A Few Days of Non-belief

For the past two days I have been practising non-belief. One knows how I am always saying that thoughts don't have power, but I've never been able to let go of that. Probably because two people who I am in close contact with DO believe that thoughts have power and it's hard to think for myself. There are many proofs in both directions. I would rather be free to believe what will help me, not hinder me. Practicing non-belief I have found helps me to let go. I don't have to believe in thoughts have power, I don't have to believe that thoughts don't have power. I don't have to listen to OCD, because right now, it can't touch me. This is a space of acceptance, of "whatever happens, happens." I call this practice Whatevering. :) So, far, it seems to be directly responsible for this not-quite-depressed mood. Before I decided to play in non-belief, I was so depressed I wanted nothing but death. It's hard being responsible for everything, and it's hard thinking that God doesn't really give a damn. So, I said "Okay, I'm not going to believe anymore. Not in God, not in anything. Not in prayer, not in thoughts, not in OCD." Of course, this is easier said than done, and I still believe in love, and I still give in to occasional OCD compulsions. But, not as many. It turns out that not believing in God when you actually do is not really possible. She's still there, and I still want to talk to someone! But, whatever! My little game of non-belief doesn't have to be perfect. It's a process. And it feels very much like Zen. :)