To Be Humble

I have been thinking and studying about denial of self and humility. It has been said that the fully mature person thinks about others before themselves. They think of themselves below others. Perhaps that is full maturity, because when we are fully mature, we are completed, done, finished, ended, whole. There is no more need for self. But, we are not fully mature, and I think that is not our aim. Our aim is to be always maturing, growing, learning, never done, always immature. The goal is in the reaching, in the journey to maturity, not in maturity itself. I think that humility is knowledge of our humanity, acceptance of who we are, our weaknesses, frailties, our sins. It is not in denial of self but in being human. A verse that is used to proclaim that we give up ourselves is Phillipians 2:6-7. "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing." (NIV) Jesus became nothing in comparison to the fullness of Godhood. What did He become? A human being. How could He make Himself nothing? He knew exactly who He was but did not grasp at it, He did not lord it over others. How do we become nothing? By knowing who we are-whether this be a beloved child of God or an expression of God, and letting it go to be fully human, because that is who we are being right now. The Great Commands said "Love God with your whole heart, whole mind, whole strength, and whole soul." Love God as ourselves, not in denial of ourselves. And guess what? The second command is to love our neighbors AS ourselves. Not above ourselves, not beneath ourselves, AS ourselves. I think that is an important distinction. When we are ourselves, when we love God as ourselves, we can love others as ourselves. That means seeing them as humans. Compassion, compassion, compassion, is what comes to mind when I think of loving others as ourselves, and even, loving ourselves as others. We are not separate. To be humble is to be human together. To be in humiliation is to be debased, denied, and rejected. I did not know until recently that there could actually be joy in God's commands, but they are really just the ways of love. All that is needed for humility is the fulfilled Law, and perhaps "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." (1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV, paraphrased.) To be humble is to live in love. I will serve others with my all when I am my all. All of myself goes into God's work. He uses weaknesses as well as strengths. When we have become aware of love, and are living along love's way, when are our wants harmful to others? When are our wants a hazard to human relationships? If we are loving, our wants, our desires, our lives are aligned with beneficiality to others. When we are not loving, when we are "selfish", we are neither loving ourselves nor others. So, I say, don't give yourself away, embrace your entirety, and in doing so, you embrace everyone else.

Disciple "Making" and Commitments

Recently I went to a meeting based upon disciple making. I was intrigued by the concept and went out of curiousity. I knew I did not want to be a disciple maker, I want to be a disciple. Perhaps in the art of disciple making, they might show the art of being a disciple in this day and age. Assigments were given, to pray everyday, to read the Bible everyday, to write in a journal and to read a book about evangelism. One of my major difficulties is the inability to fare well with commitments. For, a commitment is an obligation, a forced plan that I can not waver from without being held accountable. It turns whatever I do into rotten fruit. I must do things through want and love, not out of commitment. A friend told me that this might be an opportunity from God to overcome my problems with commitment, but I highly doubt it.
The Bible reading began smoothly enough, but fell apart after a few days. I wondered what the point was in reading the Bible every single day. If I journaled every day, the entries would be near to worthless. I follow inspiration, emotion, and passion. If it is not there, then it is dull work. So, I do not journal every day, and the entries that come forth are normally full and whole and edible. While, the Bible, day after day, becomes more and more fruitless to my searching grasp. The sermon following this disaster on my part (I didn't stop reading the Bible, though.) included a few words on why someone would want to read the Bible. Many times in the psalms, it says the commands of the Lord are good to read, they bring joy and wisdom and insight. Really? How so? When I read the Bible, I find pain and judgment and fear and sadness and death and plagues and war and... where is the joy? Where is the insight? Where the wisdom? "Dear God, whose love endures forever... please kill all my enemies... praise to the Lord, who mercies never fail... please pour out your wrath and anger upon my foes." Um... joyful to me? No, enemies are people, too.
Buried beneath it all somewhere, somewhere, is the path to the Great Lover, the one who loved us all from the beginning, of whom we are His Sacred Temple and His living breath. I feel too weak to search through all the rubble of broken bodies and bloody sacrifices, looking for my Beloved. I find my Beloved in the presence of Love, in His words on earth today, people, clouds, snow, rain, animals, trees... these "scriptures" of God are full of joy and insight and love. If I were told to read God's words every day, to look into His eyes everyday and fall into His arms every night, to hold His hand and stroke His hair and spend time with Him every day... that would bring what they say the Bible brings. Yet, I heard that not wanting to read the Bible means you don't want wisdom or joy or insight.

To pray every day also ran into hazards. I know why it causes me distress, it is because of my OCD, and the doubts I have and the terrible fear I have that my thoughts will come true. To believe in prayer is to believe that my thoughts have some affect upon the world, and to believe that is my doom. The truest prayer that I can give without running into this is the prayer that means talking to God, just... talking. Holding my heart open to Him. Being with Him. Listening to Him. Isn't this all a form of prayer?
And thinking about this, maybe that is the true commitment, for it is one of the ideas behind discipleship-association with Jesus Christ. That must be what Bible reading, prayer, and fellowship with believers is all about- Communion. Living in Christ, for Christ, living in Love, with God. To me, it is all the same. Disciple making isn't coercion. It isn't forcing beliefs upon someone or making them do anything. It is modeling Jesus. It is holding out the fruits of our communication and connection with God. Offering love. Love is the essence of discipleship. Teach love, and you are teaching about God. For whoever lives in love lives in God. God is Love. Christ is love. It is all wrapped up, bound in perfect unity, in love.
It isn't about a commitment to the Bible, but about a commitment to God.
Along the same lines is the idea to abound more and more in love and in knowledge and understanding of love. To some, this means to spend more and more time with others and less and less time alone, but I think this is more of a personal choice. Does your love grow in community with others more than it grows alone? Or, like me, does your love grow more alone, to be shared in community with others? None of us can ever really be alone. For God is with each and every one of us, always. To grow in love is to spend more and more time with God. This can be accomplished with people, but also with cats! And with books, and with pencils, and with microwaves and washing machines and toilets. Yet, they might think this a crazy thing, but, I have been crazy for many years now. Find God in all things, and Love can also be found in all things. Again, the truth of the matter reveals itself, less and less alone doesn't mean less and less "solitude", but less and less of an idea that you are ever alone! :) God is everywhere. Love grows everywhere with an awareness of love. Invite God into your homes, and you will see He was there all along.
One last note on disciple making and all that the recent studies have brought to the surface.
Disciple making I have read, is about taking a new convert under wing, and helping them to mature in Christ. I want to add that it is not about pretending you know more than the person you wish to support. It is about guidance, not superiority. The new convert has something to teach as well. Everyone has gifts from God, and if people become to hooked on being the leader instead of a guide and friend and support system, they may lose sight of the gifts offered.