And here comes the darkness again!
Did it leave? Why yes!
It left with a "I'm okay
with being depressed!"
Really, what the hell?
Yep, and it was swell.
But days of waiting
not speaking my heart
have another depressing
engine beginning to start.
I head for my God
and find He's not there!
His presence has vanished
not even anger spared!
Nothing, the empty Shadow
I prayed to anyway-
Save me from this barren land
give me to my Mother today.
Okay!
I watched a movie and felt
connected to the Source
again, but fractional
a meager force.
Fighting to keep it,
I entered my dreams,
touched nothing but
a host of broken seams.
Wandered into religion,
found those who think like me
running bravely from Christianity,
leaving for brighter shores
while watching, I
hold fast to a sinking ship
and cry, I cry.
For I do not belong
with these people here,
I am afraid they do not even
know how to steer.
Jagged rocks show foaming
as we hit one after another,
teaching hate and screaming
"Love your sister and your brother!"
I am not good enough.
And only if, and still not.
all the requirements to be loved
are sanctimonious rot.
So, weeping for a lost Christ,
a wrecked ship,
and a wave soon approaching,
I toss my last chip
in to the frothing ocean
Here, Mother, come Mother,
come up from the depths
and devour your daughter.
My Father has left me,
will You deny passage, too?
I went begging for scraps
as poor women do.
"Woman Warrior, Woman Monk,
who are you?" I do not know.
I spend my days searching
for a Way to go.
"Enter in drawing
enter in singing,
enter in writing and hoping
caring and dreaming.
Enter in living
the creating
and celebrating
the grateful heart of
a Mother's love
open, inviting."
I've tried, the groans persist
I'd die a thousand deaths in thirst
if I hadn't died a hundred million
in terrible hunger first!
Don't tell me I don't try
hard enough to satisfy
the longing of my soul.
