Never Good Enough: The Lie of Perfection

I'm not really interested in doing Tuesday Topics anymore, I just don't really have any thoughts on the subjects they choose, so it's kind of pointless. Besides that, I don't like to write my thoughts when they are not interesting and thought provoking. It makes me feel ineffectual, less than who I want to be, and I judge my writing by strict standards. It sucks being a perfectionist. Actually, it's quite depressing. I drew a picture of my mother a couple of years ago, and I don't like it at all. I see it's flaws. I didn't feel it was good enough to show anyone, but I decided to anyway. Everyone I showed it to seemed to think it was a work of art. My fears and need to be perfect have deprived me of sharing my gifts with the world. Never good enough is my constant inner message to myself. No wonder I'm depressed. I do not know how to stop that recording. I have had it for so long. How can I believe anything but that? It makes itself sound so true. Especially when the messages around me are usually the same as the one in my head. When they are not the same, I don't believe them because I don't trust others-unless they agree with my misperception of myself! So defeating! I'm trapped in my own head! I do hope I have a key, or someone does. God's message to me is that She loves me-how do I even truly believe that when in my head it's "No one loves you. You are not worthy to be loved." Will continuing to affirm that God loves me break the chain of negative messages? I truly hope so, I have been using affirmations for a couple of weeks. I do not see much progress, but that does not mean it isn't working. Could just be that these positive messages I am using are pushing the negative ones out, and that's why I am running into them more often and with more ferocity. They do not want to leave their home. I feel insignificant and pointless. I feel like I have no purpose. God has said that my purpose is to live as the trees live. They give of themselves naturally. And they give what they can give, and not what people want them to give. You can't expect a tree to grow money, you will be sorely disappointed. I am tired of the expectations people place upon me. Trees live. I am to live. Just to live. In living, I love, I give, I grow. I do not have to give the perfect gift, nor give it perfectly. I do not have to love perfectly or grow perfectly. I do not have to be perfect! The image of perfection is a lie-the only perfect we can achieve is imperfect. My drawing of my mother is imperfect, and that's perfect! It must be imperfect! It is meant to be imperfect! My gifts are perfectly imperfect. We really need some new words, I think. Perfect and imperfect are so full of prejudisms and biases.