Judgement Soup

Wow, I'm judgmental! I complain a lot about the judgments of others and find myself judging everyone, too. To add to that, I also judge myself for judging others. This whole judgment thing is really harmful to the health. That's why I am glad there is Zen! When you are seeing the world as it is, there is no room for judgment. It is "cloud in the sky, water in the jug". There's no, "Hey that cloud is an odd shape. I don't like the look of those clouds." "This water tastes funny. Why do these crazy people keep putting water in jugs! They should use glass jars!" Yay, no judgment. I could use that in my life, which is why I have returned to studying the way of Zen, it is good food for my aching soul.
Going to church every Sunday was "judge, judge, judge!". Who can live like that? I really don't want to any more. I went to church in the beginning not to judge, but to learn. However, eventually learning reached a point of nothingness. Couldn't I have been happy with nothingness? I guess not, because when I don't learn something, I automatically put on my judgment hat. Perhaps that is because I am wearing my judgment hat anyway, looking for something to learn. It's also hard to listen to judgment without responding in kind! I have much to unlearn! I never left church because I didn't want to miss an opportunity to learn, and I wanted to give up judgment. I can't stop judging them if I'm not even there, can I? Well, I didn't think I could. Apparently I can't give up judgment while still going.
I left Zen in a corner while I ran off to judge everything. How silly of me. Judgment has it's uses, but in moderation! Spending my life judging is quite tiring. I think I'll take a nap. It is difficult to take a break from judging. Why, just a moment ago I was judging the noises in the house as being something bad, because now I can't concentrate enough to write this blog. I am good at judging. Would you like that as one of your talents? It comes in handy for being sick, confused, and depressed.
I am returning to practicing "observing without mental comment". Three years ago, I wouldn't have even made it to church if it wasn't for this technique. Whenever I went for a walk, I would think others were judging me (a mental comment), this caused me to want to stay inside. But, with the help of letting mental comments slide by without fixating upon them, I was able to go for walks, and go to church for the first time in 7 years. Even switching the object of my judgment was useful, if I couldn't cease judging altogether. That would be so helpful now, when I'm judging people as being mean, insensitive, and horrible-instead I could judge the sky as beautiful, the snow as white, and music as calming. Then you could ask me, "What about those people?" And I could say "What people?".