Distraught

I feel like falling asleep and never waking up. Then maybe this nightmare would end. It all started when I went to a retreat with some people from the church I used to go to. A part of the theme was being vulnerable with other Christians. I didn't go for that, I went to have an adventure. I don't get out much. This trip was to NH, I'd never been to NH. Anyway, I was having a stressful day and decided I didn't want to have my feet massaged by a stranger, or even by someone I knew. I was frightened of being judged about my feet. I was tired of feeling vulnerable, tired of the strength needed to face terrying situations, so I didn't do it. When I was leaving, a friend saw me and started to come after me, so I ran from her because I didn't want to have a confrontation.
This is the important scene-because it started the nightmare. The nightmare where my friend decided to write to me about how childish I had been by running away and not having my feet massaged. How she had siad I was chickening out and I shouldn't have gotten upset about her saying that-well, I didn't! I didn't hear her, and I didn't care! She says I was acting like a six year old, and she is frustrated with me and disappointed. She attacked me for being scared. That is very painful to endure, a friend insulting one over nothing! I want to cry, I have cried. I wrote back to her, and she wrote back and attacked me some more! And then she said she didn't want to be my friend anymore because I won't trust her. I'm sorry, but she's just not someone I can trust, and it's been that way since we started the friendship, what's the big deal now? Why does it matter now? I'm too wounded to be vulnerable with her, doesn't she understand that? Look at how she treated me over not having my feet massaged. I did nothing to her, and now we're not friends, and I feel so lost! Why did this have to happen? I think everything happens for a reason, but it is hard to find a reason for pain. I do think that it is the healthiest thing for both of us, but...it hurts. I don't know what I was meant to learn through this experience.

Understanding the Opposition

Today's Tuesday topic is not easy for me, for I would find it quite hard to imagine myself feeling differently about the war in Iraq. I am passionately against it, how can I imagine being for it, even a little? I'd have to imagine not only a change in thought but a change in personality, which is not something I can do. I can only hope that if I was for the war, showing me the suffering of the people there and the soldiers would change my mind, since I am empathetic, I doubt I could remain for the war seeing all the pain and death and know that it was needless.

Cats are Sacred

I just read something odd. I was reading about dream interpretation and did a search about cats-because I see my cats in my dreams often. Apparently, seeing a cat in your dreams is ill fortune. That doesn't seem right to me, but of course, I love my cats and wouldn't want a dream where I killed one of my cats just to maintain good fortune. Yuck. How horrible. What is so negative about a cat? I think they are sacred. Perhaps the author of that perception is biased against cats. My cats most likely stand for other things, and not what some dream intepreters say. Also, they could just be in my dreams because they are a part of my life, and for no other reason than that.

A Choice For Peace

Today's topic kind of intermingles with yesterday's post, since this blog is participating in blogging for peace, and there are Tuesday topics.
I remember when the war in Iraq started, I was upset, I was definitely against the war, but I was also against the media presentation of the first bombings-because those were actual people dying with each of those bombs-they weren't statues or dummies or dolls, they were living, loving human beings with families, they were fathers and brothers and sisters and mothers. They weren't objects, for us to watch their massacre on tv as though it was nothing. I couldn't stand it. I am against murder, and war is murder, no ifs, ands, or buts. I was against the war because there had already been so many deaths, on 9/11, and in Afghanistan, I didn't want more suffering in the world. I knew war would happen, but four years of it?! Pain! Why so much pain in the world that could have been avoided? We can still avoid more pain. We always have the choice for peace.

Love Your 'Enemies'

I have always been against war. Christ said "Love your enemies." I can't see how killing them is loving, really. I never heard Christ say "Love your enemies, but if they are not just your enemies, but your ENEMIES, hate them and kill them." When are we going to be able to turn our swords into plowshares if we keep on warring? Are we waiting for the next life? Yes, peace can be accoplished, but sorry, not this time around. What are we waiting for? Is the human race prepared to obliterate itself just to have peace? That's the stupidest way to peace I ever contemplated. Of course it'll be peaceful, there won't be anymore humans! People probably think it's not going to come to that, but we've already begun. We've already started attacking people to prevent them from attacking us, which is NOT going to do us any good. Actually, it is causing more hatred between other nations and ours. War only creates more war, war never, ever leads to peace. I did a study on this in High School, and I read that "In the end, all wars lead to peace." I proved that statement false. Wars lead to a calm before the storm. It seems peaceful, but you aren't looking at the seething beneath the waves. You aren't looking at the winds gathering power. You aren't listening to the depth of the silence. Life goes on after war, which leaves space for the anger and hatred to grow, and war to spring up from the ashes. Do we wish to create such a space? Let us stop war! War is not even justified. There is no justice in war. Justice is compassionate and merciful-justice seeks to understand and seeks to heal-justice does not seek revenge, does not seek to create injustice, for that is what every wound is-an injustice. War creates large wounds which are usually difficult to heal. War destroys families and animals and trees. War destroys hope, and love, and peace. War destroys. Justice builds. Peace is the answer. We need peace in Iraq, and we need to prevent more war in other countries. We need to be a people for peace and love!