Thursday, October 23, 2008
A Few Days of Non-belief
For the past two days I have been practising non-belief. One knows how I am always saying that thoughts don't have power, but I've never been able to let go of that. Probably because two people who I am in close contact with DO believe that thoughts have power and it's hard to think for myself. There are many proofs in both directions. I would rather be free to believe what will help me, not hinder me. Practicing non-belief I have found helps me to let go. I don't have to believe in thoughts have power, I don't have to believe that thoughts don't have power. I don't have to listen to OCD, because right now, it can't touch me. This is a space of acceptance, of "whatever happens, happens." I call this practice Whatevering. :) So, far, it seems to be directly responsible for this not-quite-depressed mood. Before I decided to play in non-belief, I was so depressed I wanted nothing but death. It's hard being responsible for everything, and it's hard thinking that God doesn't really give a damn. So, I said "Okay, I'm not going to believe anymore. Not in God, not in anything. Not in prayer, not in thoughts, not in OCD." Of course, this is easier said than done, and I still believe in love, and I still give in to occasional OCD compulsions. But, not as many. It turns out that not believing in God when you actually do is not really possible. She's still there, and I still want to talk to someone! But, whatever! My little game of non-belief doesn't have to be perfect. It's a process. And it feels very much like Zen. :)
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9 comments:
hi,my name is santana.
I have to come right out and say that your blog posts are exceptional. I obviously had a blogger account,but now I ramble on in my live journal.
http://nahfuckyou.livejournal.com/
I love to write. it's the only thing that keeps me sane in this lifetime. it defines me and I couldn't agree more with the definition at hand. enough about me,though.
I thought I would just come along and say that someone likes your "mind wanderings".
Hi again.
Once upon a time in my life, I also tried to become a non-believer. But I found it to be extremely difficult - if not impossible - so I let it go. Because I thought with myself, "Hell! I wanted to become a non-believer to be free of beliefs, but here I am, trying to force myself to believe that I shall not believe!"
You know, actually, I believe that to believe in God is in our nature, just as much as eating food is in our nature.
There is this - nowadays - rather famous Persian poet called Rumi (who we call actually in Persian and Arabic as Mawlana - which might be translated loosely to "Our Master") who has a very interesting poem that says: "Har che baadaa baad!" (Come whatever may!)
I am a believer. Or so I think. But that doesn't mean that I let life to become a prison for me. I live free of obsessions, free of prejudices and presumptions.
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I really like the liberty you take in letting the words flow. You are not bound by making it look like a classic literature work, and yet you don't let it become like the thoughtless speech of most people.
I am a bookworm, who also likes to read thoughtful observations like the ones you write, and who also is like a printing machine and produces more inked papers than a newspaper per day.
So, that's it for now, I guess. :-)
Hi, Santana!
Thank you for saying that!
Writing also keeps me... close to sane. :) I keep an offline journal which I write in when my emotions are getting the best of me, or when I have something in my head that I really want to remember, something insightful or helpful.
I keep it far more updated than here online. :)
Thanks for coming along. :) I went to your livejournal journal, but it's hard to read, this computer doesn't relate well with many online systems... pooey. It keeps freezing everything.
Hi, purepersian! Welcome back! :)
Ha, ha, yes it is funny trying to force ourselves to do things. My non-beliving, having passed a certain point of testing, is now somewhat of a burden and doesn't feel right. Though I would rather have it around to quiet OCD... I'm not sure what to do with my beliefs.
Hey, I have a book that has Rumi's poetry in it, it is called "The Essential Rumi", maybe it has that poem you are speaking of.
It's great that you can say that. I do not live free of obsessions, prejudices, or presumptions. :) I would like to some day be more free than I am, but apparently that's a journey, not just a Tada! and I'm free.
Well, cool! I'm glad you like the way I write. And I think it's awesome that you write so much yourself.
Have a great day! :)
Hi there
Not going to write anytime soon?
Well, I usually just wait for the inspiration. :) These days have been far too stressful and full of worry to feel that I have anything to contribute, and I haven't been online much, either. Mostly I swirl around in the same ideas and the same depression and the same way of hopping out of it again .Do you find that to be an interesting read? :) Let me know. Perhaps I'll write something on Sunday. I don't have the time today. See you around. :) Thanks for letting me know you are still around. :)
-Cassie
Ah, I forgot to transfer a blog post from facebook. You can now have something to read. :)
Have a wonderful day!
That's all there is to life after all, cycling between actions of the past, learn from them, and go on to those very same cycle again.
But sure, I like to know how your cycle goes :)
And besides, as I am living in a country different than yours, I am more than a bit curious as to how your everyday life goes along your beliefs.
Here in Iran people are forced to usually have the facade of a believer and live a rather complicated life, consisting of lying to almost everyone, and in some cases even themselves.
So I am rather envious of you for having the freedom to state your beliefs so freely and live with it without false pretenses, and as a consequence, I am curious to see how those stated beliefs and ideas affect your day-to-day life.
I sure love to talk a lot, don't you think?!?
I have encountered times when it seemed like something new was happening, and I really would like to experience those times more often. :)
Well, that's got to be very uncomfortable! I felt like I had to do that for a time, too. I was severely rejected for telling a Christian my beliefs, and then I didn't want to share anymore. I thought I had to pretend to go along with their beliefs in order not to be shunned. It was basically true. But, now, I'd rather just be me.
In some cases I still live with the false pretences. I am sure there are still plenty of people who think I am a Christian, but if they asked, I have decided that it is best to tell the truth and not to hide quite as often. Being rejected is still a fear of mine.
A strange thing with my beliefs is that they do not affect my day to day life as much as one might think they would. It is hard for me to find the quiet time, reflective and contemplative time to be centered on the Divine. I am so easily distracted! And having the 'religion' that I do, I have yet to find any practices or daily activities to keep me focused. Sometimes that makes me want to return to a religion that has more to do with a daily life in the spirit. Oh, well, someday I'll work my philosophy into a daily practice. I hope! :) I seem to like playing the game of life so much better I can't get away from it! :)
Yes, I guess you do love to talk a lot! :) I do, too, but only with certain people and on certain topics. :-D
Have a marvelous day!
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