Originally posted on facebook on December 7th, 2008.
I went to church today quite tired. I didn't get to bed early enough and I almost decided not to bother going to church. I hadn't been since March 23rd, what was the point in going today? Well, there was a very important point, some men from Teen Challenge Vermont were there today, and I have always liked their stories and presence. They inspired me more when I was a Christian, but even not being one, I still felt God with them, I still saw His passion and His love. The first service was actually the best for me because I wasn't worn out and I felt strong in myself, in my path with God. I realized that their separation is only a part of unity, just as my unity is a part of separation. All things pass to and from each other as the Tao says. We can't have one without the other. So, they'll be dividing in unity, and I'll be uniting in division. Or something like that. In the end-if there is a end-but somewhere, unity meets separation in Oneness and we all find our way.
I learned that I can laugh even at Christian jokes, ones that would normally make me go, "AAAAGH!". And that my Father is full of abundance, is infinite in gifts. He is not poor like my earthly father, and therefore I am not poor. I may always be financially distressed, but I never have to wallow in emotionally starvation or mental weakness or spiritual hunger, because God is great, and God will provide when I seek.
I discovered today that no matter how much I feel I don't belong, I do belong with God. I do belong with my Heart and my Love and it doesn't matter whether I am a Pantheist or a Christian cause I can only be who I was meant to be, I can only follow love where love leads.
I found that my abstinance from drugs and alcohol and other 'sinful' activities is a most powerful testimony of the power of God. I have remained faithful to my God if not a religion.
Here's to You, God! My Power, my Friend.
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4 comments:
Well, it is rather paradoxical that you can find so much in God, be so faithful to His powers, but let yourself get depressed.
In my opinion, these are totally contradictory. If you believe in God - in any form of Him or Her - and you believe the power of God to be all there is, you should cling to that power whenever depression tries to get a hold of you.
I do however believe that depression is part of human nature, but at a reasonable rate. Whenever I get depressed, I allow my feelings to flow through me, I think of the reasons they have happened. But I never allow them to consume me. Well, my mother always says I'm a bit apathetic, but I rather like the way I am ;)
You should sometimes try that.
(Now I feel like an old man for giving out advice like that :-D)
:) Yes, I have thought that myself. But, see, I am only really depressed when I am not centered on my awareness of God, when I am focused instead of this drama of mine. If I stayed with my beliefs, if I stayed with my love for God and my faith, you're right, I wouldn't have much of a reason to be depressed. :)
It is very easy to get lost in the clutches of depression, and very hard to get unchained. Depression clouds my mind and my heart, and it is difficult to escape long enough to be aware. And, don't forget, that in pantheism, depression is God, too. So, I don't throw it away completely. Depression is my teacher. :)
Well, you don't sound like an old man. :)
Hi there, going to update any time soon?
Hi! I'm thinking about it. :)
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